An ode to the "cher, cher" days

Going gentle into the good night.

My first batch of P6s will always have a special place in my heart (From left: Ka Song, Justin, Si Tong, Marcus, Yun Hui, and Jingqi)

So this is it — five years since I first stepped into the classroom, I have called it a day. 

I have mixed feelings about writing this piece. Writing this would mean that I have "started adulting proper", i.e. having a permanent full-time job. And that's a happy thing because in times like this, getting one is a blessing. For those not in the know, yes — I have started work proper as a journalist. 

But it is not without a tinge of sadness because this also means adios again to this childhood stomping ground of mine along Woodlands Street 81. I thought it would only do justice to these five years of teaching (which is equally substantial as my time in NUS) by jotting my thoughts down. 

So...how did it all begin?

I dabbled in relief teaching merely to pass time before starting university and did not expect to go on for long. But well, I did — all the way through my undergraduate years.

There has got to be some point in time when we once set sights to be a teacher because it was a job we were so exposed to. Ditto for me — I have always wanted to teach.

As a young boy, I envied the power teachers had in the classroom. Then along the way, I met inspiring teachers, such as my physics teacher Mr Lee Kah Chin, who were passionate and went all out to care and nurture their students. I wanted to be one of them. 

So when the opportunity came, I jumped on it. But it was in Qihua Primary, my alma mater.

That was not my plan. Back in 2016, I wanted to teach in CCHY, being more accustomed to the system there. Qihua belonged to quite a distant past, having graduated almost a decade ago at that point. 

Really, handling kids less than half my age, or less than half my height? I preferred interacting with secondary school kids who are older and supposedly more mature.

But CCHY did not require substitutes then, so Qihua was where I went. And it turned out better than expected!

It was surreal returning to Qihua close to a decade after graduation. Sure, the school has changed quite a bit, especially with new infrastructure such as the sports hall.

But it still felt the same Qihua I knew. It warmed the cockles of my heart to see familiar art pieces — hung there for the past 20 years — as I strolled past the corridors.

Make a guess how long this artwork has been around for

And when I stepped into the staff room, I felt a sense of comfort as I saw familiar faces. Teachers come and go but the core is still there. The people who saw me grew up. Teachers such as Mrs Cheok, Mrs Ruth Tan, Mr Isham, Mr Anuar, Ms Hasanah, Ms Raja, Mdm Tang, Mdm Woo, Ms Chia — and the list goes on. As well as new faces whom I met after I started teaching: Mrs Thomas, Ms Tjio, Ms Ee, Mrs Gillian, Ms Neo, Ms Ashley, Ms Jaslin Low, Mr Casey Lee, Ms Chan Xiaofong, Ms Suzanna, Mr Shawn Teo, Ms Sally etc. 

All aglow in red, celebrating the nation's 51st birthday

Hearing the usual voices in the staff room and the scoldings to the children evoked a sense of nostalgia. It was great reuniting with my teachers and assume a different role (not as a student but as a grown-up), listening to them share their experiences and giving me advice, like the good ole’ days.

I was also elated to have two friends back with me to Qihua. In the first semester of 2016, I roped in my secondary school classmate Kaijun, as I introduced to him how my primary school life was like. Following, Vilynn joined in, which was an inexplicable joy because imagine returning back to primary school with your classmate and become "colleagues" – something I did not expect, and it felt like travelling back in time. Along the way, there were others too, such as Fiona, Yueying, Pranilla, and Jaslyn. 

Roping in friends to teach made the experience even more fun

But nostalgia was not the only thing I gained satisfaction from whenever I returned to my alma mater to teach. The children were, too, surprisingly. 

Initially, I was apprehensive because I thought I was not good with small kids (for the record, I am still imperfect). I still made the occasional blunder which my teachers gasped when I told them. Dealing with small children required patience, which I lacked. Also, I think they were too much of a fuss. 

The hyperactive kids love it whenever they get to run, jump and hop around

The apprehension also came about probably because of imposter's syndrome. Deep inside I was still a student at heart and perceived myself as a pseudo teacher. I knew I was not "officially" a qualified teacher. The teachers who taught me were (and are) still around, so I inevitably saw myself as a student in front of them, instead of as equals.

But things went well. I started to enjoy interacting with the kids, surprisingly. Some things do not change because kids will always be kids – such as their innocence and the childish things they did (which we were guilty of too last time). 

I recall it was a nerve-wracking first day, on that fateful March morning. Contrary to my expectations, there were no long introductory briefings nor under-studying a senior teacher. A short brief and that was it. Was it because I was not a full-timer and all I needed to do was to replace an absent teacher temporarily and babysit the class? Or perhaps, my teachers had faith in me?

You could say they threw me to the deep end of the pool. Into an enclosed space of minions. 

But before I could start feeling awkward in the classroom, I was overwhelmed with…

“Cher cher, he bully me!”

“Cher cher, she take my pencil!”

“MR LIM! He played with the portable fan and tangle my hair!” (This did not happen on the first day, but I had to recount it because it was hilarious and frustrating — and yes, some name and shame. Hello, Yun Hui and Junxi!)

“Cher he say F word”

“Cher she say, example example, stupid”

(Some teachers frown upon the use of "cher" as they thought it is disrespectful but frankly, I like it. It is a uniquely Singaporean thing)

Junxi, Adeline and Xinyu — Innojoy 2016

At the end of an hour-long lesson, I felt as though I just fought a war. "It is payback time, Sean," Mrs Ruth Tan laughed when I told her that teaching was tiring. 

Despite the generation gap, many kids did the same things as us in school, such as:

1. Playing with flag erasers (a “vice” impossible to eradicate)

2. Using foolscap paper to fold origami, doodling…everything else except for work.

3. Drawing on the mini-whiteboards

4. Passing handwritten messages around because handphones are still prohibited

5. Rushing to help the teacher carry out errands such as cleaning the whiteboard, sweeping the floor, and giving out worksheets, which, by the way, often resulted in quarrels

Old-school knickknacks which are still popular today

My favourites will always be the primary ones and sixes. I enjoyed the companion of small dwarves from the lower primary level. It was hilarious to see them exhibiting childish and innocent behavior, such as quarreling and crying over who gets to sweep the floor. Or when they drew something and tried to get affirmation from you.

Even the cleaning of whiteboard can get these kids excited

I recall a girl who complained to me that a boy from another class hugged her tightly and she fell down as a result. We would probably be concerned about the hug, touch, and consent, etc. But no — all she was focussed on was her scrapped knees.

Whereas the graduating cohort, they are mature for me to interact and share experiences with, such as what to expect for secondary school, as someone who left not too long ago. At 12, it was also when they tried to match-make one another and tease friends who were "couples". 

Caught up with my first batch in January this year. All grown up now, in the JCs and Polys

There were reflective moments as well. Having the chance to interact with kids from almost every class due to the ad-hoc nature of my role, I taught students from the higher-caliber to lower-performing classes. 

Generally, students from top classes were well-groomed, well-behaved, and have branded school supplies. On the other hand, I wondered about the disparity at the tail-end classes. Some were untidy, poorly-behaved, and couldn’t communicate properly. They have low morale. Some could not even afford a proper school bag and reused a fun-pack from National Day. 

But digging deeper, I realised they had other problems in life. Academic worries were the last thing on their minds. For some, they misbehaved because they were unloved at home and want your attention. A bunch of them came from broken families. All these created an unmotivated and lackluster learning environment. And frankly, there is only this much teachers can do within their means.

Geniuses from top classes aimed for elite secondary schools — the likes of Nan Hua, River Valley, and Hwa Chong, while those from the foundation stream struggled to even pass the national exam. The inherent inequalities within each social class constructed the attitude kids held towards their self-worth, which translated into self-expectations and therefore, the way they behaved.

How far you jump depends on the starting point

Such an observation hits me hard. During those years in school, I was privileged – being in the top classes and well-equipped for school. I only interacted mostly with my classmates, who shared similar socioeconomic backgrounds. Was I blissfully ignorant about class inequalities and thought Singapore was perfect until the harsh truth was revealed? I was exposed to an intra-school social inequality that I have never seen before, and I am not surprised if other schools also have the same phenomenon.

With the rambunctious bunch of P6 kids from 2016

Along the way, I returned to CCHY occasionally for the same purpose, which was more demanding but professionally fruitful — for a simple reason: I got to teach, usually for a longer period of time. 

Teaching in Qihua was ad-hoc, which meant substituting teachers who were absent just for that day. Usually, all I needed to do was to assign homework as requested by the absent teacher and recap concepts. 

Seldom do I need to teach, and understandably so, because the teacher is usually absent just for a day. I guess they might not want another colleague with a different teaching style to disrupt their lesson plans or start something new and confuse the students. Or perhaps the teacher found assigning the kids worksheets sufficient during their short absence. 

Learning beyond the classroom

However, in CCHY, I had to cover teachers on long medical leave, for a few weeks to a month. And that was when I had to prepare lessons, teach, assign and grade homework, go through exam papers, etc. Essentially, a typical workload of a teacher, sans the administrative stuff. Undoubtedly it was more draining (because secondary school content is harder too) but rewarding. I enjoyed it as I have always wanted an opportunity to do the real thing — or at least as close to the real thing as possible. 

I will miss students like Jiaci, Zhiling and Jamie who waved to me whenever they walked past my classroom. I also enjoyed the times "reuniting" with the kids from Qihua who went to CCHY, such as Yuxuan, Yiqing, Lia, Gavin, Yi Rui, Vicki, Yuxin, Zexian and Jingyi. 

Some of the Qihua folks who eventually made it to CCHY: Yi Rui, Gavin and Yuxin

I will miss the breakfasts at the canteen or lunches outside of campus with teachers such as Mr Thong, Mr Lee, Mel, Mr Victor Tan, etc. Mr Thong never fails to offer me a banana every morning. I will also miss catching up with those who taught me before or knew them when I was a student: Ms Lin, Ms Ang, Ms Kaur, Mrs Ang, Ms Zarina (left at the end of 2020), Mrs Choo (who retired last July), Mdm Goh, Mdm Yeo (both retired in 2017/18), Ms Tan MM, Ms Isma, Mr Yong, Mrs Chan, etc

Lunch with my shifu, Mr Lee KC, and my senior Madeline, who was teaching with me!

And I want to pay tribute to the CCHY kids whom I crossed paths with, some of whom are now in university or halfway through their national service. Among those who I can recollect: Grace, Mandy, Yanci, Jiaxuan, Jiaci, Theodore, Felicia, Zhiling, Jean, Sijie, Jiahui, Guangda, Georgia, Kaixin, Junming, Ting Xuan, Ming Han, Verlyn, Huiyu, Kai Le, Eason, Thomas, Zhaoyi, Viona, Qianhui, Jamie, Hongwei, Jiayi, Jessica, Amos, James, Cheryl, Tingwei, Xingpeng, and Jiaqi.  

And the juniors-cum-students (mixed identity because they knew me more as a scout senior than a teacher): Jingbei, Tianzheng, Qing Rong, Beryl, Jerlin, Chun Juay, Wesley, Sophia, Jaykai, Huiwen, and John. 

4G'17, where I taught them E-math for three weeks

3G'17, where I taught them Add-math for three weeks

Those few years were an eye-opener because I had a snippet of what teaching was like. It was not easy trying to squeeze lessons within a short span of time, making sure kids understand and at the same time catching their attention. 

The concepts were easy but sending the message across was the challenge. I admit that some PSLE questions still stump me (deja vu when the very question kids had doubts with came from the PSLE I took at 12). Teaching was a race against time, and I finally understood why teachers held supplementary classes or dragged their lessons — because time was never enough.

I'm dying to share more stories and encounters from the past five years, way more than what I can share here. But I guess most will be consigned to my memory. 

You might ask: If I enjoyed teaching, why not consider it as a career?

I did. But it was precisely after going through these five years that I decided teaching is not a path I would take for now.

Firstly, there are ideological and philosophical aspects of the education system which, for now, I cannot reconcile with. And these intensified after I started reading Prof Michael Sandel's latest book, The Tyranny Of Merit: What's Become Of The Common Good? 

I found it difficult to bring myself telling kids to work harder and harder when I know that for some, the system will always be stacked against them. Meritocracy in this country is such that they value those who do well in the math and sciences; woe betides you if you are bad at those and instead have talent in arts, crafts, etc. Kids who are "successful" and "smart" are simply so because they were lucky that society treasured their abilities, rather than it being the ethically or morally right thing. 

So those who performed badly in their schoolwork have nobody else except themselves to blame? The rhetoric of rising is as such: that we are responsible for our own fates and deserve what we get. Really? 

I disagree with how history and social studies are being taught. I found issues with pedagogy from the ministry. I abhor the judgment and stigma the system has towards the less academically-inclined. I find the system too rigid and grades-driven rather than learning-driven. I cannot bring myself to preach some of the things which I don't believe in. 

With the Cheam siblings - Renfred, Valerie and Rudolf. All have gone gentle into that good night

Another reason: I have rekindled my passion for journalism (which started in secondary two) after an internship at The Straits Times. I enjoy writing and reporting. And these few years of self-exploration made me realise that I am a vocal person; a rebel, like my primary four form teacher who has long left the teaching fraternity. I cannot survive well in a cage with my mouth gagged. 

Finally, I think it might be a good idea for me to explore the world first, as eluded to by some teachers. This is personal but I think I can value-add students better if I return years later with greater experience from "out there". Moreover — and this might irritate some teachers — I do not want to be cooped in the education bubble, jumping into teaching straight out from graduation, not knowing anything else except exams, CCAs, prelims, and SYFs. There is more to life outside of school.

Maybe I have yet to reach the stage of enlightenment. Maybe I lack maturity in understanding how things work. Or maybe I am too idealistic. Who knows, I might return to teaching in time to come? 

With the Chua siblings, Belinda and Bryan. A sensible bunch of siblings

But still, I respect my teachers as significant people who made a difference in my life, and this teaching stint made me appreciate them even more. They sacrificed a lot just to groom us to where we are today. It was great working alongside my teachers, seeing them continue to educate those little kids.

And with the pandemic and circuit breaker last year, their job was made tougher as they were forced to adapt to new technology. Some are tech-noobs, you know. Yet, for the sake of the kids, they rose to the challenge and I admire them.  

I thank my teachers who continued to teach me, in a different way. They taught me what it was like to be a teacher, how to manage a class, and advised me on my future path. They were busy, yet willing to guide this rookie and were forgiving when things ain’t perfect.

I enjoyed the whole experience and writing this makes me feel nostalgic again. The decade after Qihua was life-changing – new friends and experiences in CCHY, the dreadful A-Levels in NYJC, getting tekan-ed in NS, then university.  

Amidst these changes, I was back at where it all began. Stepping onto campus and seeing familiar faces, classrooms and corridors. I have changed and grew up, yet Qihua gave me the same vibes as it did more than 14 years ago. 

Vilynn, with her masterpiece created when she was in primary six, with others

I am grateful for the opportunity to interact with the kids because they made me feel young again, and it is very satisfying when kids remember you and greet you at the corridor, or when they have the Eureka moment (with the orgasmic “orhhhhhh!!!"), or when they make you cards of appreciation.

Dear kids, the past five years of mine have been made more meaningful because of you. I hope in a way or another, I have made a difference in your lives. I apologise if I had been too harsh at times, but it was never personal. It warms the cockles of my heart as I saw you all grow and eventually moved on to secondary school and so on. Thank you. 

Sorry kids, I had to...

My first batch of P6s from 2016 is already now in junior college/polytechnic. They will always have a special place in my heart. To the special few among this batch, I will remember the Friday afternoon study sessions we had together and games at the sports hall thereafter, with Miss Chia and the PE department. 

The Friday afternoon study-and-sports gang

Those from the Class of 2016 are: Ashley, Britney, Yun Hui, Yu Xuan, Tingjia, Yan Yan, Adeline, Marcus, Bryan, Rudolf, Justin, Lia, Zemin, Eunice, Shi Han, Rin, Fangyu, Zahir, Vicki, Zhen Yew, Junxi, Jovi, Tianzi, Karlynn, Zimun, Ka Song, Nerissa, Jingqi, Sanjana, Jia Jia, Yi Qing, Xinni, Justina, Ziyao, Jinfeng, Jiaqian, Aveline, Ziqing, Fangling, Guan Bo, Guan Shuo, Natalie, Si Tong, Qi Lin, Lucas, Chun Jia, Jinghuo, Zack, Tristal, Daniel, Ray, Xinyi, Sinrou, Yuyuan, Yongyou, Aloy, Bendy, Tommy, Kevin, Kian Hor.

The Class of 2016 during National Day. They were also the first batch whom I saw graduate from Qihua

Teacher's Day 2017: When they were in Sec One

I would also want to put on record my thanks to kids from the subsequent batches too. These are also wonderful children and I wish them all the best. 

Class of 2017: Yishan, Shangken, Zi Jing, Zoe, Yuhan, Yirui, Belvin, Guan Ting, Yinxin, Yuxin, Jingyee, Shavonne, Steffi, Shannon, Jingyi, Ziwei, Gavin, Qi En, Hilary, Jane, Ruoxuan, Xiangning, Dong Xuen, Chiam Hwee, Siriporn, Tricia, Huang Ting, Chenxi, Tianyu, Yoke Qin, Zhi En, Sara, Xinyu, Xinyue, Keerath, Peggy, Nicole, Dorcas. 

The Class of 2017, at a year-end BizKid bazaar

Class of 2018: Belinda, Huiling, Kaini, Jenelle, George, Edward, Nadia, Kaixin, Mun Ling, Zexian, Yaxuan, Resshma, Precious, Zenn, Jiaqi, Zhiyu, Jiaying, Yongshi, Zhangqi, Leena, Wanyu, Rui En, Yaxuan, Junya, Sophia, Xinyu, Yuan Yin, Jinxuan, Chloe, Rui Feng, Adeline, Xinyun, Licia, Valerie, Enxian, Raphael, Rachel, Ke Ying, Shekinah.

With some of the kids from Class of 2018, during a homecoming event the year after

Class of 2019: Gracia, Fellicia, Jiawen, Yawen, Jing Er, Ryan, Denise, Reanne, Zhijie, Wandy, Rui Ci, Qian Ning, Koko, Yichao, Zheng Long, Edison, Yue En, Xinle, Yutong, Adora, Junya, Tong Xuan, Ehang, Ziqi, Junyang, Rui Si, Belinda, Amiel, Israel, Lichi, Dian, Junwei, Qizhen, Junkai, Xinying, Roshan, Azizy, Wayne, Belle, Xiangyu, Siyan, Angelina, Shijie, Kian Meng, Dong Shyang, Jannah, Auni, Jingxian, Dorah, Josephine, Xuanqi, Zion, Matthew, Jianhong, Le Shan, Zun Yik.

My final lesson with 6/1 of 2019, before I bade them farewell for good

The Class of 2019, when they were younger...in primary three

Class of 2020: Engxin, Sze Suen, Yuhan, Yushan, Rui En, Huishan, Zoe, Yi Tong, Kuan Yew (yes, you saw it right), Yitong, Ruth, Renfred, Boyan, Sun Yixuan, Yee Yxuan, Sudeshna, Lucas, Wei See, Joy, Ding Hao, Zhi Xuen, Maegan, Zhuo You, Siqing, Jiaxuan, Azraa, Jiemin, Shiqing, Glen, Yulin, Ethan, Chenyi, Kah Jun, Terry, Shun An, Dean, Yu Zhe, Patricia. 

The final batch of P6s whom I saw through graduation, last year, in a masked time of the coronavirus. From left: Yushan, Rui En, Zhixuen, Ruth, Chenyi

Those who are still there: Shangyi, Phylicia, Aiven, Yong Le, Qianying, Shawn, Eden, Rhea, Natalie, Xinyan, Eason, Raphael, Reyes and Jia En. 

(Please forgive your teacher here if I spelt your name wrongly or grouped you incorrectly. Or if I have left you out accidentally)

Thanks for the sequel, Qihua (and CCHY). Thanks for the 11 years. I appreciate it :)